Healing Out Loud: Four years of Silence Ends Today(PT.2)

"..Let the real live nigg*s hear the Truth from me! What would YOU do if you were me...Against All Odds.." Tupac

So here I am, preparing for my court date. Having to defend yourself against a LIE is both gut wrenching and maddening. Paying attorney fees just to protect your name from falsehood? Frustrating beyond words.

And yet, there I was.

Over the last few years, I’ve done everything in my power to not be in the same space as her. Even on the days I dropped the kids off, it was a relief not to see her car. If Lyric was the only one home, I exhaled a little. Somehow, she’s made Lyric the unofficial third parent, which is so phucked up. While she’s flying out of town or entertaining company in hotel rooms for days at a time, Lyric is the one holding it down with her siblings.

We got to Court, and it was as if the director yelled, “ACTION!” Cue the tears, the shaking, the dramatic pauses(for effect).now, unlike everyone else in the courtroom I had already seen this performance  so I wasn't too impressed by it. But, my thought was "would the judge be enamored by this Oscar worthy performance"? ..The Judge wasn't!  The judge(a Black woman) looked her square in the face and said, “I’m trying to figure out why this protective order was even filed. Based on your own statements, there is absolutely nothing here that warrants this.” the Judge saw through the BS and actual facts and dismissed the case…..I never even had to take the stand.

I Guess i'm "R"...In her own words. Over a dude I never met or cared to meet..Soh It Goh Still

Y'all already know.. The Ancestors got me. Thank everyone for the prayers for me, It was felt!

...Still making more products...

But, the damage was already done. A major gig I was lined up for disappeared because my background check flagged me as a violent offender. All from a claim that never should’ve been filed in the first place.  The crazy part was, We had already agreed to a settlement, there was no need for court. But in her hatred and her mission to bury me, she wouldn’t let it go.

I’m always looking at her as "She’s still the mother of my children, I won't stoop. I won’t do this or that to her, I won’t retaliate." Meanwhile, her energy is  "Phuck him!"

And even then, I didn’t complain.Because, I knew folks going through things that made my pain feel small. Life be lifing.

Nah...Not my 'Baby'

An elder called me once while going through it with his wife. I gave him advice. I lent him my ear. He had no idea that while I was holding him up, I'm over here a shell of myself at the moment in my own darkness, falling apart in my own silence. He didn’t find out what I was dealing with at the time until three years later after the fact. Because what was I going to do? play "Trauma Tennis" in his time of need? HE CALLED ME! His pain was real. And in that moment, my situation had to wait. 

That’s when I realized something. Sometimes, we give everything to people who wouldn’t give us a single piece of themselves. But that’s not a loss, that’s clarity.

As long as you’ve got breath, creativity, and integrity, you can’t lose.

Now don’t get it twisted. Integrity doesn’t make the journey easier. It makes it harder.

See, at some point Life is ALWAYS going to offer you a ‘Shiny trinket’ when no one is looking. It will look like the Blessing you’ve been praying for. but, because of your Moral, Honour and INTEGRITY you will see that ‘Shiny trinket’ for exactly what it is, which is 'fools Gold"

And let me be honest…She walked out to be with someone else. And I meant it when I told her, "I hope it works out for you and Tony." Yup! I even knew the name of dude who she was walking out to be with!!!

She said she was unhappy, Shiiiiiiiiiit, I was unhappy too. That ship had already sailed and At that point, I was only there for the children, For the businesses I funded with everything I had, and had helped to build 

Then All of a sudden, her needing to be in control of EVERYTHING started to play out. As the Co-Founder, trying to speak to me as if I was some sort of subordinate or as if she was my BOSS. Obviously I completely ignored her, and with her personality, that didn't sit well. We kept working, and everything came to a head the day she asked if I could be “..Friends..” with her ‘new guy Tony’ .

I calmly told her AGAIN “..I wish them the best..and i’d never disrespect her or him..” but i’m not That dude!!! I'm not and will never be the individual to be 'buddies with the dude she was sleeping with while we were together' but again I wished them all the best.. That didn’t go over well. The next day EVERYTHING CHANGED , and that’s when she went full tilt with the smear campaign. 

Throughout it all, I stayed silent, even when she lied about money coming in, even when I saw large sums of money being wired almost every month to Houston (where her ‘guy’ lives). There were times when she wired $1000 to Houston, then call me and she’d ask me to make payment arrangements with the utilities and bills because we were “..down to our last $500..” for the moment, then 15 minutes AFTER our conversation,  she would wire him ANOTHER $1,500. And again, I have the direct Bank Statements just in case anyone wants to call me a liar. She Also opened ‘side accounts’ to hide funds from me.

Had the roles been reversed, all hell would’ve broken loose. But I said nothing.

From 2000 to 2021, I paid every bill, the rent, the mortgage, And then she asked me to fight for her love???LMAO!!.... Nope!

You know what my fight was?

Working and doing jobs I Fucking Hated just to make sure I provided for my family!

Fighting with my inner self just to maintain and preserve my Morals and INTEGRITY, not my Dignity, because there is no job I wouldn't  have done to make sure my family had food on the table and a roof over their heads.

I didn’t even know what happiness looked like. It wasn’t in my vocabulary.

I thought NPTU meetings actually occurred at 1:30 p.m.? I believed her. Even when I was told she was seen 'elsewhere' during that time. Here I was thinking she was at Community Meetings, but, Somebody had to stay home with the children, right?

Yeah… what a dumb mo’phukka I was. 🤣

Now, that AIN'T my name! So why does mail show up to MY HOME after she left with her mans name on it? I'm POSITIVE this is the 1st time she seeing this! lol(#RunTellDat)...I had it in court but I didn't need it. So many more things I can post to show y'all, but the question is....What would you do if you were me...Against All Odds!!!

Good people, I don’t speak from emotion. I speak from Evidence, Screenshots, PDF's, Audio, and Video. I document everything. I don’t just talk.

Also, to everyone who did business with her without an RFP and awarded No-bid contracts/work to folks that don't even live in the State, i'm sure Fulton county and whomever awarded y'all Grants are gonna want to know after I release my paperwork (Now, THAT was Personal)

Some folks will do anything for a dollar. I’m not one of them.

She is loyal to herself. I was loyal to the family.

She was attached to me. I was connected to her.

There’s a difference.We Different!

She became everything she claimed to hate.

Accountability? That’s her KRYPTONITE...If her lips move when speaking, SHE's LYING!

This is the part of the letter she told everyone including THE JUDGE that I wrote her and stated " ..i'm 'bout to PULL UP!"..lol, I'm telling you I can't make this stuff up.. Now, where in the...you know what? Never mind. It speaks for itself

When I stopped falling for the rants, and the tears she realized I could finally see her for who she truly is, She hated that!

I'm never going to be the individual bashing women. I have two beautiful daughters. I love and adored my mother and my Nana. Throughout difficulties in my life, 90% of the time it was a woman who came to my rescue.

Trying to break my spirits  down to the lowest common denominator, She told me AFTER she left that there wasn't a Day in her 21 years with me that she was happy, and I'm listening thinking "well who's the idiot in the relationship 🤔 "

She told me, Everything negative in her LIFE was because of me. You mean EVERYTHING SIS? Like, Was it me that placed drugs in your car and made you drive 4 states over to DC? Was it I who placed you directly in the line of fire with drug dealers? 

You told me a couple years ago that our daughter Lyric is “..just like me..” Great! Because I pray every night that she becomes NOTHING LIKE YOU!

I told YOU a whole 2 years ago to let sleeping dogs lie. And you poked and poked until ya "man" advised you to lie and filed a protective Order against me, and you did it.

We now live in a world where all someone has to do is just say you did something, and people will believe it, It becomes Gospel. Me? I’ve never been that kind of individual, I’ve NEVER moved with the crowd. I move with thought.

That said, whatever you’ve ‘heard’ about me, and you’ve actually met me and have had dialogue with me, you know:

 I'm the individual that brought wellness kits to your home when your family had Covid.

 I'm the individual that stayed up with you in the wee hours of the night consoling you from moments of hardships we all go through in life.

 I'm the individual that held you down when you were going through your very own ‘breakups'.

 I'm the individual that slid you $$$ in moments of need and stated “That ain’t no loan either..” 

i’m THAT nig*ga!!!!!…

THEY KNOW!!!!!!

But some of y’all got caught up in the sisterhood of false narratives. And that’s okay.

Love is love.

I move with integrity. So I’ll always be alright.

It’s an adjustment. But I guess that’s the journey.

'The Beautiful Struggle.'

And here's where the healing really got tested:

As of Father's Day(the Irony) Marley  and Tosh no longer lives with me. After she lost the court case, she made an addendum to the agreement we already had in place, and threw that clause into the agreement knowing I would reject it.The agreement, giving her all four businesses I co-founded and funded by myself and I'll "keep MY home"..Ain't THAT some shyt?..... More importantly, Imagine Marley and Tosh not living with me? I've been with those two since they were born! When the doctors told me Tosh would never speak, I heard him one night after a 16 hrs shift at 2:30 am , up in his bed doing gibberish. I tapped Kiyomi and said "you hear that?"  She said it's just gibberish, then I said "gibberish is language!..if he can do gibberish I can teach him to speak!" Tosh is now 18 and you can have a conversation with him.

 As for Marley Marl, I did the 86 day stays with her in the hospital, I did the 103 day stays, the 67 day stays, the 72 day stays...I DID THAT!!! and now to take them away? Nah, phuck that agreement.  Then in a conversation with a friend, he said

 "she has shown you EXACTLY who she is...what if the next time the lie she tells is that YOU touched your daughter? What if THATS the lie she tells? Then what?...I can't tell you what to do Es..But you're already dealing with Tosh's Autism and Marley's various illnesses and her being in a wheelchair, I can't even imagine your day to day walking around wondering not if, but when Kiyomi is going to strike again with something More explosive to finish you..One thing we both can agree on and it's that she give very little about your life and existence..Now you have to live with this fear of what she’ll try to weaponize next? She doesn’t care about your life my G. You’ve gotta protect yourself.” and with that, I called my attorney and RELUCTANTLY agreed to her terms. She knew it would kill me inside, and, she was accurate. Tosh texted me last Thursday and it simply said "Night dad I’ll miss you" and, like I am right now writing that, I broke out in tears! like........

Sometimes I Cry....

"...Everybody Thinks That You're a Man of Steel, like you don’t hurt and you don’t feel..”

So here I am, I won the Battle(court) but I lost the war(having Marley and Tosh live with me)..I gotta tell you, not have them here with me and hearing them go back and forth with each other, not smelling Tosh making his breakfast in the Morning, not hearing Marley telling me the corniest jokes that made me actually buss out laughing at the sheer corniness of the joke...I MISS THAT!..Life been Lifing Lately and sometimes, IT SUCKS!!!

As I summarize this episode of my Journey:

I fought to protect my name, my children, my peace, and THE truth, all while silently breaking behind the scenes.

This journey has shown me that the deepest wounds don’t always bleed in public. They show up in missed moments. Empty spaces at the table. A quiet house that used to echo with laughter.

I learned that being a man of integrity doesn’t shield you from pain, it often invites more of it. People will lie on your name, weaponize your silence, and test your spirit in ways you never imagined. But even when it feels like you’ve lost everything, if you still have breath, creativity, and integrity, you still have something no one can take from you.

I gave everything, but the biggest loss wasn’t her, it was how long I ignored my own happiness trying to hold a family together.

This wasn’t just a breakup. This was a rebirth, but it’s also painful. And as much as it hurts not having Marley and Tosh with me, as much as it guts me not to hear them in the house, I know that I loved them loudly, consistently, and with everything I have. That’s what fathers do. That’s what I did, and that’s what I will continue to do.

So if you’re reading this and you’re in the middle of your own storm, don’t let the silence fool you. You’re not alone.You’re not weak.You’re healing. And, healing ain’t always pretty. But it’s necessary.

My Takeaway:

Attachment is not love.

Sacrifice without reciprocity is slavery.

Sometimes peace means choosing yourself, even if it means standing alone.

Let them lie. Let them spin stories. Let them drag your name. Integrity will ALWAYS win in the end.

I’m not here for pity. I’m not here for revenge. I’m here to tell THE TRUTH, for anyone who's ever been there...

RESPECT THE SHOOTER!!! I never missed, I just aimed at the wrong one.

Please leave a comment and share your thoughts. Hopefully, I’m not on this journey alone.

#Love #ThankYou #MyJourney #Transformation #BlackFolxsTravel

I'll get through all of this, but if I don't make it? y'all know the culprit in which to suspect FIRST!!!